No matter the relationship, the history shared between two people, or the length of time taken before beginning to have children, marriages change when kids enter the picture. It is a good change and a worthwhile change, but a change nonetheless, and how it is handled will determine the impact becoming a parent will have on your relationship.
The most important gift parents can give their children is a home that is safe, consistent, and full of love. Kids benefit from stability and being in a loving environment. Children have an intuition about relationships in the family and can sense the love shared (or lack thereof) between parents. Having a strong marriage will translate into having a strong family.
Tips for a Strong Marriage and Partnership in Parenting
It is completely natural for there to be a sense of neglect in a marriage once you have kids. Having the energy for each other at the end of a day spent working, chasing after toddlers, or carrying a baby on your hip is difficult. But caring for your marriage despite the challenges and the sleep-exhaustion is the most important thing you can do to set your family up for success. Your marriage is the foundation on which the rest of your family is built and requires a shared commitment between both spouses to be fully invested in the success of the marriage and family.
- Take advantage of moments together: It’s only natural to want your world to revolve around your children. They are, after all, amazing. However, your time together as a married couple is precious, and it’s important to capitalize on moments of just the two of you. Whether that is getting up an hour before the kids do to enjoy coffee, or rallying after bedtime to catch up, make those little moments together a priority.
- Enjoy time together without any distractions. Turn off the cell phone, e-mail, television; you will not lose your job for not responding to e-mails for fifteen minutes and your marriage will greatly benefit from intentional, quality time.
- Be honest: Marriages have a tendency to be neglected, especially in the initial whirlwind of bringing home a newborn. Whatever stage your marriage and parenting relationship is in, be honest with each other. Celebrate successes, but work through disagreements and challenges as well. Honesty is vital to a vibrant, long-lasting marriage.
- Keep silliness and fun a central part of your relationship: Even when laughing together is the last thing you want to do. Especially when being silly is the last thing you want to do with your spouse. It will help spark life and light into a marriage when it needs it most. Laughing together is an important bonding mechanism in a relationship.
- Plan time dedicated to each other: It is important that there is more of a basis to your marriage than just your children. When it is just the two of you, agree to not talk about the kids. Focus on each other, how you are doing, and making new memories together.
Keep Your Marriage a Priority and Your Family Will Benefit
There is a natural tendency for marriages to be put on the back-burner when kids come into the picture. There is always something, and someone else, demanding your immediate attention, and both parents are so exhausted by the end of the day that it is hard to invest any more energy into each other. But having a strong marriage is the anchor for the home no matter what storms of life come.
Keeping the spark in your marriage alive is necessary, and worth it. Go on walks together. Once a week, stay up talking once the kids are in bed. Switch babysitting duties with friends so you can have a weekly date night. Find ways to keep your marriage a priority, and the entire family will benefit.
Sarah Sandifer - Sarah Sandifer is a freelance writer, a teacher, an Army Wife, a home decorator, an avid cook, and an athlete. She loves teaching high ...
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